When I look at her picture, I can pretend that she is real. That she isn't just a memory. I can pretend that she is just taking a nap, in the next room, just waiting to be picked up by her loving mommy. That in just a few minutes she will need to be fed or changed, that in just a little bit, we can play together.
When I look at her picture, she is perfect. How could her life get cut short? There was nothing wrong with her. A freak accident took her life, took away my child, my little girl. Does a person ever get over that? Do you ever "let it go"? Do you ever stop wanting to tell people that you have three kids, not just the two that they can see? Do you ever stop wanting to let people know that it wasn't a mistake? That is wasn't my body rejecting her or a chromosome malfunction? That the cord that was supposed to give her life got wrapped around her tiny neck and choked that life from her? That the last time I felt her move, she was dying?
When I look at her picture, I see the hope of so much more. I look at her and know the promises God has for my children and my family. I see that God has plans. He didn't need my little girl more than I did. That's one of the most ridiculous things I have heard so far. He doesn't NEED any of us! But He does have something planned. Morgen didn't have to be here to make those plans a reality. She gets to spend eternity in the arms of the One Who breathes life. The One Who shelters, and loves and gives beyond reason. She never has to experience heartache, or loss or pain. She never has to fight for what she believes in and be sad that 'they' just "don't get it".
When I see her picture, I want to share it with the world, but wonder if they would see what I see. Would it be wrong to post it? I think I might... Anyone doubting that life begins before a baby actually enters the world and draws a breath can see the miracle of God's hand just by looking at her. That is part of Morgen's legacy, I believe. Is it selfish of me to want to share her?
2 comments:
Shangyne you are so right—it is part of her legacy. I had the exact same thought when I read Beth's email to the lead team of some comments that Kevin made. They were so extremely well written and reduced me to tears for over an hour. I wish every teen mazazine in America would publish them. What a tremendous tribute to life.
I don't know if you have a copy of that email (let me know), but those words need to be preserved forever. I have a feeling they could help many a young person make the right decision about life when faced with an "unwanted" pregnancy.
Shanygne, this entry is so rich, so real and so appropriate. Emotions; they are so beautiful. You again have inspired and reached me. Morgan; what a beautiful little lady. I felt your love, the love a mother has for her child. I envisioned her running, laughing, falling down and yelling at her older siblings. You write from your soul and that is a wonderful, rare gift. Please never stop. ~Mitch
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