Jealousy. It's an ugly thing.

Why do we get jeaous when God has enough of whatever it is we think we need to go around!
Why is it that when someone else gets what we want, we think that we can't have it, too?

What is it going to take for me to trust God? To trust that HE alone knows what I need and WHEN?

Why am I afraid? And of what? Of actually being happy and getting all I could never even think, ask or imagine?

How can I NOT trust the most trust-able One that ever was? Hasn't He proven Himself over and over and over ad infinitum?

It's fear again. That I will screw up the plans that He has. That I will make the wrong choice, say the wrong thing, go to the wrong place, not be able to live up to what it takes to succeed.

I am SO NOT the best parent, wife, homemaker, friend, pastor's wife and I am so sure that I never will be. I dont' have the drive, the whatever... without HIM, I am less than nothing! With Him, I have a fighting chance of raising relatively happy, well-adjusted children, have a wonderful marriage, be a decent pastor's wife when the day comes, and somehow be a good friend. The homemaker part I am not sure even God can help with....just kidding!

Oh, the ramblings of the fallen. And tired, and worn out, and slightly crabby.