Our little girl, Morgen, would have been 10 weeks from being born...her lungs would be able to use air, her brain would have started getting the indentations and grooves... she would maybe have hair on her head ( tho my babies tend to be bald for almost 2 years!)...
I have developed a yearning for Heaven that I only wished for before losing her. Now I have a daughter waiting to meet me.
A week or so ago, I was telling Kevin that "if only all this other bad stuff hadn't happened, I would have been fine. I was handling Morgen's death! I was doing it right, trusting God, leaning on Him..." and Kevin replied, "but Morgen's loss is the root of all the pain"... I hadn't actually let myself believe that truth. I thought I was doing so well and was just being "so mature". Funny how we can fool ourselves! He was so right. The loss of my little girl has me whirling and all these other things have merely kept me from being able to mourn her.
I am hoping that we are entering a new season. One where I can concentrate on good things, not just put out fires and worry about what horrible thing will happen next. One where I can mourn my daughter. One where I can be excited about the future, and maybe another baby.
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2 comments:
Shanygne,
I can't even imagine the kind of pain you're going through . . . I wish I had words that could help. Please know you're in my prayers.
Shanygne,
You don't know me, but we have a mutual friend Mitch Stout. He is in town visiting and had told me a little bit about your family and recent loss. To be honest, my husband and I lost our daughter Stephanie last october, the same way Morgan lost her life. First of all, I am very thankful that there is someone else in the world that does not believe that it was God's plan for this to happen. Reading your words were like reading everything I've thought and said myself. I liked seeing the picture of Morgan. It reminded me of the pictures we took of my daughter. Please know I will pray for you. Please don't feel that you need to respond back, but if you ever feel the need to someone that can identify, or even know what it's like a few months down the road or after the due date, please feel free to contact me. I have not entered the world of blogging yet, but my email is v_oyler@hotmail.com
P.S. Life has started to get better, and a lot of fear has left.
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