I am a martyr by nature....if there is anyone else around to put first, I will do it. And do it willingly, without a second thought. I will do it happily, without a thought to my own needs.
HOWEVER, if I don't have someone else to defer to, I cannot say no to myself. Why is that?? OH, how I want to say no to myself!!! the slightest inkling of a want, when I am alone, it's just a done deal. I like that shirt and it's a right size? Into the basket it goes! Have a breather from chores or work? Go grab a snack... Yikes! Those snacks and spending have caused so many problems!! My weight is horrible...worse than it ever has been, even pregnant! Funny thing is I haven't moved into a new size...how does that work?? I am sabotaging my exercise by eating junk! Aaaaaagghhhhhhhh! WHY WHY WHY
I write all this, because I know no one is reading. hahaha....my own personal journal of nothingness... but boy, is it honest!
another note on the martyrdom?? I find myself bitter...how mature is that?? I am not saying that I require tit for tat... but a history of giving without receiving makes me tired and apparently bitter... working on that. I have friends I am ready to have nothing to do with at this point... from sheer undependability and being the giver in every situation.
I am going to be eaten alive as a pastor's wife... I NEED outlets... I NEED to be able to talk to people about what is going on and get their input. I guess I just need to keep Kathy, huh? She is the one I dump to... Hope she can handle it!
My random utterings have been completed for the moment...you are free to go back to what you were doing now...
2 comments:
Since I'm feeling HUGE, I thought I'd respond to the way you're feeling while reminiscing about the few months prior to this pregnancy. Personally, I don't think there is such a thing as ever being the size one was before having kids . . . even though I have some pretty amazing friends who look like they've never had kids. But, last summer I bought the book about the Southbeach Diet. The cardiologist author actually wrote it for his heart patients - losing weight was simply a fringe benefit that came with it - thus the craze. It is totally healthy and actually works. You can even eat fun stuff like peanuts and cheese which are staples in my life. It will probably be forever before I can fit back into the new wardrobe I bought sometime in the fall . . . but at least I know something at least works for me. I highly recommend it. Southbeach combined with exercise really made a difference.
Is it okay that I added your site as a link on mine under "Blogs I Love"?
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